Stuck: A Sirius Problem
by rogue solus
Summary: Okay, so he was stuck as a girl. Big deal he could handle that. But Prongs wouldn't stop covering him up, & Evans kept apologizing,& Remus kept running away from him &...hey...who touched my ass! RL/SB & JP/LE


Disclaimer: I am not the proud owner of Harry Potter or any of the books' characters. That honor belongs to Mrs. Rowling. I am just a poor fan who wants to write some fanfiction.

* * *

The All Hallows Eve Ball

There is a special place off the coast of Scotland where magic happens…quite literally. Most arguably the best facility to teach magic in Europe, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was well on its way into the school year. In fact, first exams had already been completed much to the excitement of all. Why one might ask? Well, The Halloween Feast of course!!! With exams over, the first major holiday of the school term was finally here.

But to make things even more thrilling, the Headmaster deemed that this All Hallows Eve there was to be a ball….A Costume Ball.

Come one and all

To this years first ball

On All Hallows Eve

You have the right to deceive

Your teachers, your peers

And all you hold dear

You may keep it secret

Or tell all what you'll be

But to the best costume goes

Once rightfully achieved

A gift anyone would be

Most certainly and definitely

Pleasantly pleased

So come as you may,

As whatever you like

But come in costume

To everyone's delight

Those were the exact words the sorting hat had proclaimed from atop Headmaster Dumbledore's head at the beginning of October. This of course sent the school children into a frenzy of activity. The professors, and Filch, soon followed as they quickly were disillusioned from any thoughts of being exempt from this announcement. Everyone was to be in costume. From the Headmaster himself, all the way down to Mrs. Norris the cat. Though if anyone wanted the prize for best costume, it had to be created solely by them.

Many students found themselves untalented when it came to costume making. So, most sent word home to request a costume made from professional hands. This was a route taken by plenty of first and second year students who were as of yet not so well versed in the ways of transfiguration or charms to concoct such detailed garments.

One seventh year student, a Hufflepuff, by the name of Cecile was quite deft with a needle, wand, and cloth. Upon the request of a friend she created a dainty little sprite costume in no time at all. After she received a nice sum for her work, she decided to offer her skills to those who would like to have something not chosen by their parents. She received offers immediately. Apparently, the costumes parents where sending their children were most dreadful. Unfortunately, Cecile had a list of requests so long that she stopped taking them once it got up to 50 orders.

For those who could cast a decent spell, they took to making their own costumes with materials owled in from Hogsmeade or home. Here located in the boys section of Gryffindor tower, four young lads of such talent were housed. Three of which were all dressed and ready to party, but the last….

"Bloody Hell man, what is taking you so long?" James Potter hissed outside the bathroom door. As usual Sirius was in the loo…primping. "I swear, I swear on Merlin's beard if you don't get your ass out here this second I'll curse you into next spring!" he bellowed as he slammed his fist against the bathroom door.

Remus Lupin just shook his head as he sat down on Peter's bed. Peter, who was lying down, was kind enough to offer Remus one of the tarts he had been snacking on. Together they watched and listened while their two other friends argued through the door.

Eventually, enough was enough. However amusing the two were with their verbal assaults on one another, it was time to go. So being the voice of reason that he was, Remus popped the last piece of his tickled tart into his mouth and calmly walked over to James.

"Let's just go James. Sirius can come down to the party when he's finished" startled from his mid- rant by the hand on his shoulder, James turned to look towards his pal. Before he could give a reply, the offender of this whole affair chimed in his own two sickles.

"Thank you Remus. See James listen to the Prefect, he's the voice of reason that we should all obey."

James sighed as he rolled his eyes. It was true. Sirius had already been in the loo for over 2 hours. If he wasn't finished by now who knew how long it would take before he would be done. But by an Effrits balls James knew the Black boy was up to something. Something that he, his pranker-in-arms, had no part in. And that just didn't sit well with James. The Marauder's pranked together, always. Well, at least Sirius and he did.

Suddenly someone cleared his throat to catch their attention. As both Remus and James turned to look at Peter, the plump boy pointed to the clock adorned on the dorm wall. By now the ball was in full swing and if they wanted to enjoy it the boys would have to leave now.

As James held up his hands in defeat and started towards the exit, he called out "I know you're up to something Black!"

"Of course I'm up to something" Sirius yelled back "I'm always up to something. You should be fearful if I wasn't!"

Smirking at his mate's reply, James asked one last thing before Remus tugged him through the door "Just tell me …is it good?"

"I'm doing us proud Prongs! Now all of you go and party so I can finish up." Sirius called out as he waved smoke away from his face. Hearing the door finally close upon his fellow Marauder's exit, Sirius turned back towards the mirror. It was fogged up again. With a delicate hand, he wiped the mirror clean enough to gaze at himself. His now Silver-blue eyes were rather startling.

"If I do say so myself, you Mr. Padfoot have done it once again." With that he winked and blew a kiss to himself. And seeing as how it was a magic mirror he was looking into, it of course winked back.

* * *

The All Hallow Eve's Ball…..

The dinning hall was spectacularly decorated. Flying bats could be seen darting across the enchanted sky; as sinisterly carved pumpkins floated through the air, each one glowing with its own eerie light. There was a constant fog that never truly dissipated. This helped to conceal the charmed monsters more easily so that they could pop out from their hiding places to scare the party goers. Truly the Professors had really outdone themselves this year.

Speaking of which, the Professors table was still atop of the platform in front of the hall. While directly below it, an area was cleared away for dancing. Bewitched radios were currently playing a song by the Twisted Kelpies, as a crowd of students rocked to the music. And instead of the usual four long tables for each house, the rest of the hall was filled with smaller tables in different shapes and sizes. Squares, circles, triangles, and even octagon table sets graced the dinning hall. Finally, at various times, the House Elves of Hogwarts would magically replenish different treats on each table.

So all in all, the Costume Ball was a complete success. As ordered, everyone came in costume. Including Mrs. Norris, who looked quite brilliant with antlers and a glowing red nose. These were freely charmed there by Professor Flitwick. Apparently she came as "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" and Filch was the muggle version of old St. Nick.

Much to the mortification of certain purebloods, someone had gotten a hold to a muggle fairytale book. The book contained many stories about people most had never heard of before. Once the muggleborns had convinced their peers that these stories were just stories, and the people in them were made up, the damage was already done. Intent on having a one of a kind look and on winning the best costume prize, characters from the now infamous book became somewhat popular.

One boy came as a puppet named Pinocchio, strings included. He had a sign charmed to hang above his head which stated "Ask me to tell a lie" Those who followed the request stared in amazement as the boys' nose would grow longer with each lie he spoke. Another student came as Sleeping Beauty. Though her gown was very fetching and her crown shined rather nicely no one could tell her this. For the poor girl had pricked her finger on a spindle, where it came from was anyone's guess, and had promptly fell asleep. The professor's kindly transfigured a bed for her to rest on just in case she awakened. Miraculously, rose bushes began to grow around her sleeping form.

One fifth year boy came as Humpty Dumpty. He tripped over an upturned chair and had yet to figure out how to put himself back together again. Whereas three clever second year Ravenclaws had come as the Three Blind Mice. Though it wasn't that effective seeing as to how they could all well…see.

Proudly though, the best mouse costume had to go to one plump Gryffindor boy. Dressed in over-sized yellow shoes and white gloves; his well rounded black ears sat firmly on top of his head, while his nose twitched and his tail flicked back and forth. Professor McGonagall herself expressed her elation at his use of human transfiguration. Yes Mr. Wormtail, dressed as Mickey Mouse, was having a pleasant night. It would be even better if the sulking fairy prince sitting next to him would cheer up.

James had gotten some insiders information, curtsey of Trisha Brown that the love of his magical life was coming to the ball as a fairy princess. Wanting to catch the notice of the lovely Lily Evans anyway he could, James Potter decided to come as the prince to her princess. So Prongs donned on tights and a tunic in white with gold trim. His saber that was strapped to his side was polished to perfection and his white boots sported not a hint of dirt. He even had wings! James cut a perfect princely piece…except for his hair. No form of high level magic could whip his wild locks into something decent. So he did what he had always done, he vigorously shook his head and made it even messier.

When Lily walked in, he had noticed her immediately. Simply because no matter where, James could always spot Evans in a crowd. Today was no different. He had to admit that the blood red cloak she wore did help a bit. Dressed in a simple blue dress with pearl white stockings and black mary janes, Lily looked as she always did to the Marauder, beautiful. Unfortunately, Lily did not come as a fairy princess. Instead she had taken the muggle fairytale route.

But alas, this mix up in costume match making is not what had our fairy prince sulking. No it was the costume choice of his dear friend who ruined James' mood. And to make it worse, James was the one who suggested this costume. It would be great he said. The transfiguring would be a snap for him he said. No one could pull it off quite like Remus could, he said. James would never say anything again!

There not three feet away from our prince stood Little Red Ridding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf.

Oh how she clung to him, the piece of beetle dung (sorry Moony). He wasn't even the wolf from her story, James thought venomously! But Lily flower didn't care. Seeing as how Remus and Lily were good friends, the werewolf went along with it too. Oh how she twirled around him saying "Oh what beautiful eyes you have Grandmother" Even though the backstabber (forgive me Remy) was clearly not dressed in a Grandmother's frock at all like in the story. He should know, he had ran all the way to the library to learn the story while Peter kept watch over the two (really, really sorry here mate) just in case the wolf got any ideas.

Where was Sirius? He needed his mate here right now or they just might have wolf stew for breakfast tomorrow! Ugghhhh, they were at it again. This time James couldn't hold himself back and retorted to the two "The saying is 'Oh what big eyes you have Grandmother' not "Oh what beautiful eyes you have Grandmother"

Stopping in mid twirl, Lily Evans stared at the Potter boy. "I didn't know you knew muggle fairytales Potter?"

Nine little words were all it took to brighten Prongs' mood. As she stepped closer towards him, he smiled rakishly at his love "There's a lot you don't know about me Evans. Why don't you come over here and find out what else you don't know?" he said as he patted the empty spot next to him.

Lily just rolled her eyes as the Potter she knew and hated resurfaced. She had of course known what was really said in the story. She was a muggleborn for crying out loud. It was just that, Remus was a great catch and other girls were finally starting to notice this. He looked dashingly handsome with his simmering gold eyes and gently waving tail. But Remus was just so shy. She was just opening him up towards the masses. If anyone deserved a good girlfriend, (and good the girl would be of that Lily would make sure of) it was Remus.

Deciding to take a rest, Lily gently pushed Remus to sit next to Potter while she sat next to him. She took this opportunity to chat up the group of six and seventh year students also sitting at the fairly large round table. There was Frank and Alice, the Golden Couple of Gryffindor, who were both dressed up in full Auror attire. Cecile Malkin who had managed to make herself a leprechaun costume in spite of all the orders she had taken and completed on time. The seamstress would toss out gold from her leprechaun pot towards the masses every now and then. Julius Bones was there, as was Brown, Patil, Lockehart, and plenty of others.

"Hey where's Sirius?" Frank Longbottom asked the three Marauders as Alice, Lily, and Trisha Brown chatted. This forced the pranksters to turn around in their seats so that they could face their housemate. With their backs towards the dance floor, the trio was faced with a very good question. Where was the dog? The night would be over in one more hour. How long did it take to put on a bloody costume?

"I knew we should have broken down the door to the loo. Two hours stuck in there..." James trailed off while glancing from right to left at his fellow Marauders "If he's dead, it's your fault."

"I don't think he's dead James" squeaked out Peter as James focused on him "maybe he just…had…trouble?"

Frank nodded sagely "Costume problems. It happens to the best of us. Just look at that poor Ravenclaw girl who came as Beauty Napping…"

"Sleeping Beauty" Lily kindly interrupted.

"Yes, what I said, Sleeping Beauty. She only woke up twenty minutes ago when Lovegood kissed her. Trinity is an amazing spell caster without a doubt and look what happened to her."

"All too true my love" Alice commented as she snuggled closer to her boyfriend. "But you know what we what to know…Who…Is …That?"

Alice pointed her finger in the direction of a large group of students consisting of mostly males. There in the center sitting calmly on a table was a very beautiful girl. She wore a simple corseted pure white gown. Her hair was blonde and tumbled down to her waist in delicious curls. And when one of her suitors said something particularly funny, the laugh she produced sounded like bells.

Longbottom whistled low "Never seen her before, love. Why?" Alice just shrugged her shoulders.

"Well, none of us recognize her and that's strange. Besides, I think the girls down by the table next to Malkin are planning to curse her and throw off the astronomy tower." At that the boys leaned to see the table behind Malkin. There huddle together rather suspiciously, were a group of girls who kept throwing lethal glances towards the enchanting blonde. Each boy shuddered. Some of those girls were fairly nice witches, but by the look on their faces now one wouldn't be able to tell that. Girls were really scary.

"Uh oh," Brown chimed "They just might get their chance. Look whose walking this way"

And oh how she walked over. There wasn't a pair of male eyes that didn't linger as she sashayed past. With every step that she came closer, James began to get a better view of the girl. With a tilt of her head, he discovered that while most of her hair was blonde, a small portion in the lower back was deeply black.

Her white dress was embroidered in lovely patterns all in gold. (He couldn't put his finger on it, but for some reason this looked very familiar to him.) Her sleeves where long and traveled well past her hands. The corseted section of the gown, though loosely tied, did nothing to hide her voluptuous body. And for a second when their gazes met, her silver-blue eyes stuck a cord in him.

He knew this girl. He had never seen her before, but he knew this girl.

When she finally reached their table, she went straight over to Cecile Malkin and gave the seamstress a very purebloodish curtsy. Her left hand elevated a small portion of her flowing white gown upwards, while her right hand delicately pointed down towards the floor. Her right foot, much to everyone's surprise was bare, glided behind her left while she simultaneously dipped both her knees and inclined her head. After she had risen from her pose, she slowly turned in a circle showing off her dress.

"Thank you Miss Malkin for your suggestions on my costume; I believe I managed to exceed even my expectations." She said happily as she turned around once again.

"Your dress is definitely something." Cecile said as she placed a finger on her chin. "You must have had a difficult time putting it on by yourself?" questioned the seamstress as she inspected the gown.

"Oh, that's alright." A voice said haughtily. It had came from the group of witches that where previously plotting the girl's demise. "In exchange, I bet she's pretty skilled in taking it off." The group of girls snickered in harmony at the blondes' expense.

Not in the least bit daunted, the blonde replied "That's right I am quite skilled in taking things off. I've been told on numerous occasions that I've gotten the ability down to an art form." With a seductive smirk and a heated look she continued on "If any of you ladies would like, later on I can teach a lesson on the subject…in private of course."

A loud clap from Cecile Malkin drew the attention back to her. "Yes, yes. For an amateur you did a smashing job. I'm going to have to give you an O for your costume." Cecile stated as she looked the girl up and down "You look simply amazing Sir.."

"Sirrin" the girl interrupted as she promptly turned around and placed a forefinger on the seamstress' lips. With a co-conspiring wink, Sirrin swiftly changed the subject. "You have such a lovely set of friends here Malkin"

Sirrin then proceeded to stalk around their table, giving lingering touches to all she past by. Her progress was tantalizingly slow and unhurried as Malkin introduced her to everyone. With each touch, a spark of promise tingled down the receiver's spine, both the males and the females. The promise spoke of something wickedly pleasurable, if only you were to ask for it.

When she finally reached James, she walked past him to tuck a stray piece of hair behind Peter's ear. As a result, the boy blushed. With a smile, Sirrin returned to James in order to fully press herself against his back. Her arms then encircled his waist as she gently rested her head on his shoulder.

"Dance with me?" she whispered.

"Always" with that Sirrin backed up so that James could remove himself from the table. Facing the beautiful girl in front of him, James placed his right hand over his heart and bowed towards her. She curtsied back.

Offering her his left arm, she quickly took it as they navigated through the tables towards the dance floor. Coincidentally, the floor was almost empty. The song currently being played was for high class dances, like the waltz. And who wanted to dance to that?

Apparently, these two were up to the challenge. With a practiced confidence, the two teenagers stepped onto the dance floor, and stopped directly in its center. They once again bowed and curtsied to each other. Taking a hold of Sirrin, James began to lead 'her' into a very graceful dance.

"You make a very lovely bird" James taunted.

"Hush Prongs" the blonde replied. Their banter continued on the dance floor throughout the song. But for all outward appearances, they painted a rather beautiful picture.

"Oh dear Lily, you had better be careful. That hold you have on Potter seems to have been shaken" Brown said.

"She can have him" Lily snapped towards her roommate. It was just like Potter to go dancing with that trollop. Who cares if they looked perfect together with their matching white and gold outfits. She didn't want him anyway…right?

After two dances, the 'couple' walked back towards their table. Upon their arrival, James could be heard saying "Regrettably fair lady, as beautiful as you are to behold…another already lingers in my heart."

"And who has captured you so my fairy princeling" questioned the blonde beauty. James nodded his head towards Lily Evans.

"Hmm, looks to me as though your love already has a suitor on her hands. What will you do?" Sirrin teased.

James rested his hand on his saber and the click from the swords' slight release from its scabbard was clear enough for all to hear. "Well, I'll just have to get rid of him my lady."

To the amusement of those at the table, and others near by, Remus quickly slide himself over so he now sat beside Peter.

"Traitor" Lily hissed at him. Remus just grinned, until a sexy blonde decided to sit in his lap.

Up close the girl was even more tempting then he had originally thought. Her skin was smooth and unblemished and her lips were a swollen luscious pink. (The 'girl' had an unhealthy habit of biting her lips.) And the more she wiggled around to get comfortable in his lap, the more uncomfortable he began to feel. Even though he already knew who 'she' was (his nose could tell straight away) it didn't help one bit.

James, after sitting in the vacant spot next to Lily, graciously offered his lap for Sirrin to place her feet upon. She smiled as she plopped her dainty feet on James' lap; then laughed with glee when Potter remembered that he was wearing white. As the boy looked down with dread, he was slightly surprised that the girl's feet were perfectly clean.

"Don't be shocked Potter. It's magic." snickered Sirrin as she wiggled her toes at her best mate. "And as for you Sir Wolf" the girl proclaimed as she snuggled herself further into the boy "I believe I shall keep you! You're just too comfortable for me to let you go."

"What a forward little thing you are" Lily whispered to herself. Potter must have heard because he was looking straight at her with his eyebrow raised in a questioning manner. "Not you Potter" she hissed.

The sixth year Prefect was not happy. Her bookish friend was being completely dominated by that hussy. The girl had had a happy little gathering of blundering fools all willing to due her bidding earlier before. Why couldn't she choose one of them to plop herself onto? But no, poor Remus just sat there as the viper rubbed one hand against his chest and ran the fingers of her other hand threw his hair. The boy was too nice by far.

Just who was this girl anyway?

Lily wasn't the only one pondering this. Alice and Trisha Brown were about to engage, or interrogate as some might put it, Sirrin with some simple girl talk when a loud voice halted their attack.

Headmaster Dumbledore, dressed as Merlin, stood center stage on the raised platform in front of the dinning hall. "Students, I would like to say a few things before the night is over"

As usual, words spoken from the Headmasters' mouth were enough to gather everyone's attention. "It is my sincerest hope that all of you have enjoyed this year's ball" cheers went up throughout the hall. Smiling he continued "Let me be the first to congratulate all of you on a job well done. The entire staff of Hogwarts and I are very proud of the costumes here tonight. So with great pleasure I will now announce the winner of the All Hallows Eve Costume Contest"

Excitement trickled into the hall. Many had wondered what the prize could be for the contest and they were finally about to find out.

"But first the runners up. In a three way tie I award fourth place to Miss Zabini, Miss Black, and Miss Greengrass. For a stunning portrayal of The Weird Sisters I award 15 points to Slytherin House." The three girls stood up proudly from their seats as a bright light shined down on them. Professor Flitwick had sent a charm their way so that all in the hall could see their outfits.

The applause they received was louder than what those from Slytherin would normally get. This was due to the fact that the other Houses were thrilled about the idea of obtaining House points. It was a well known fact that House points were far more easier to lose than they were to gain. And in the race for the House cup, every point counted.

"In third place, for his portrayal of The Vampire Lestat, I award 20 points to Ravenclaw in honor Mr. Phillipsdale." Another round of applause sounded through the hall. Daven Phillipsdale's fangs gleamed in the spot light as he grinned towards the crowd.

"I must confess" Dumbledore continued "The holder of second place did not achieve such status because of their own costume." Whispers started to fill the hall. How could one win a costume contest if not for their costume? The whispers died down as the Headmaster motioned for them to be silent.

"This person won because of all of her costumes. In less than one month Miss Malkin created over 50 costumes, all while maintaining her studies. You have a superb touch with a needle and wand Madame Malkin, so to you I award 30 points to Hufflepuff." The round of applause was deafening as Miss Cecile Malkin stood up under her spot light. It was simply amazing what Cecile had done. Everyone knew it from their own experiences at costume making. What made it even more spectacular was that Cecile Malkin did not hold back on her costume designs. She made fairies, Cornish pixies, goblins, dwarfs; you name it, she made it. And each of her outfits was well detailed and fit the wearer to perfection. Anyone lucky enough to get on Malkins' list got exactly what they paid for.

Once again Dumbledore motioned for silence. "Finally, to the winner of the Costume Party goes the grand prize." In his hand Dumbledore held up one golden ticket. "This ticket is a 'Get out Free' card. For example, if the wielder of this ticket were to lose 50 House points, this card would get him or her out of it. If the wielder of this ticket wished to forgo their end of year term exams, O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s not included, they may do so." The entire student body was salivating now. Those who didn't make their own costumes began to wish that they had. And those who had made their own costumes began to wish they had put more efforts into their design. That golden ticket was a powerful thing to have. You could do practically anything with it!

But then they began to wonder who could have won such a prize. If Malkin could push out over 50 costumes and keep up with her N.E.W.T.s studies and still not win, what kind of costume could? Everyone had seen all the costumes here tonight, and there simply wasn't a single costume that could beat out Malkin.

"This student was unanimously voted on by all of the Hogwarts staff. This student has demonstrated a clear understanding of Potions, Herbology, Charms, and Transfiguration. With great pleasure I award 40 points to Gryffindor and give this ticket to one of your own. One to which I pray will use this ticket wisely." At that Dumbledore levitated the golden ticket out into the crowd. As it traveled, a spot light once again rained down on a certain round table. But this time, it was not Cecile Malkin that the light shinned on. This time the light shown on a certain blonde who was currently lifting 'herself' out of the lap of Remus Lupin and standing proudly on top of the table she sat at.

"Hogwarts I am proud to announce Mr. Sirius Black as your Grand Prize winner for his outstanding portrayal of 'A Girl'. Well done Mr. Black" Dumbledore said as he began clapping his hands together "Well done."

"Trick or Treat?" Sirius said with a devilish grin as he snatched his golden ticket out of the air. Yes, he had definitely done it once again.

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Please be kind and leave a review. This chapter was done without a beta.


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